Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My Name is Satan, and I am bored.

Far down under, no, not the land where Indian students get beaten so that Arnab Goswami gets another issue to shout on, but the land known as Hell, Satan wakes up from a glorious nap.

Satan: What a glorious nap. What a glorious dream. Torturing Kasab by making him watch Jayalalitha, Mayawati and Mamata Banerjee performing a threesome. I think i will use that on some of the residents.

Satan: Beelzebub! Beelzebub!

Beelzebub enters chewing something which suspiciously looks like a cricket ball.

Satan: *blink* *blink* Is that a cricket ball?

Beelzebub: Erm... No.... It's an apple... I was smelling it...

Satan: Right........

Beelzebub: Oh all right. It is a cricket ball. There is a heaven Vs. Hell T20 match in a few hours. We need to win. Your old comrade Gabriel has been taunting us for a while now. And anyway. Since Rameez Raja says this is all right, it must be okay. After all. There is no one more knowledgeable in the game of cricket than Mr. Raja. Perhaps Maninder Singh.

Satan: No need to worry about getting caught my son. The HPL Dictator, Narendra Modi is a good friend of mine. I will tell him. He will let this one pass.

Beelzebub: Thank you my Lord.

Satan: So what news from Earth my minion?

Beelzebub: Well Lal Bal Pal Fuckerey has demanded that Aamir Khan's dog should apologize to him.

Satan: What did Aamir's dog do? pee on him?

Beelzebub: No my lord. Aamir's dog is in a Jugal Hansraj animated movie about dogs. It is called: "My name is Aamir's dog and I am not an animated dog in a national award winning film director's animated film." In the film, apparently the Dog calls Mumbai, Bombay. Also Aamir's dog has a benevolent and kind Pakistani master. No done according to Fuckerey.

Satan: Gegus. H. Antichrist. I told G-man not to create these humans. Look at them! What a bunch of fucktards. How can I show support for Aamir's dog?

Beelzebub: I think you can support him by campaigning on twitter. You can follow him too.

Satan: Brilliant.

On twitter: @iamlcfr I am motherfucking satan, and i motherfucking support MNIAKD etc.. etc.. #mumbaiindians

Satan: that is done... and.... gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Satan looks at Akshay Kumar standing in front of him.

Akshay: Tune mera Thums up kyun liya?

Satan: Blinks.... Beelzebub.

Beelzebub: Yes My Lord.

Satan: Take the insolent creature away and make him watch Blue. Repeatedly.

Beelzebub: Yes My Lord..... Takes Akshay away and comes back in a while.

Satan: What else?

Beelzebub: Well my Lord! SPS Rat-whore is now known as the Joker. He goes around saying: "You know how i got these scars? you see i molested a young girl. People did not like it. Not. One. Bit. So one day this craaaaaazy fellow come out of nowhere, says, Why so serious and guts my face....."

Satan: Wait while i go on twitter again.

On twitter: @iamlcfr ROFLing at Ratwhore :D

Satan: Anything Else?

Beelzebub: No my Lord. But i do have a request.

Satan: Yes?

Beelzebub: We are friends right?

Satan: You are my minion. But yes... you are kinda like my friend... why?

Beelzebub: You would say we are buddies?

Satan: Yes we are buddies... getting annoyed now... why???

Beelzebub: Can i borrow your boxers?

Satan: A Whattttt?

Beelzebub: Well Do Co Mo says that it's okay for buddies to share their boxers.

Satan: Fuck Do Co Mo.... aaargh...

Beelzebub: Sorry My Lord.

Phone Rings.... Satan picks it up: Yes??? oh yes.... send them in

Beelzebub: Who is it my lord?

Satan: People from Hero Honda. They want me in an ad that shows i support the Indian Hockey team. I am supposed to say: "Support foolish humans or face my wrath!!!!"

Beelzebub: Very good my lord... I will go now... practice for the match.

Satan: Go my minion. Win! I shall now relax and watch some TV. Morons want to marry another Moron on live television. Brilliant


The End

P.S: I do not mean any disrespect to a certain Global Indian actor whose name i have indirectly mentioned here. I have respect for him as a person, if not his acting abilities. The others i have disrespected.... well... i don't like them. Peace.

15 comments:

Sudatta said...

Superb supocheee

Sindhura said...

\m/ the p.s especially is kickass.

vins said...

One Post kicks all.. superb post buddy

Nothingman said...

har har har

You make mockery of Satan. The Dark Lord?! Teri seat pakki hell mein :D

N

(@fubar69)

Komal Agrawal said...

mind-bogglingly AWESOME!

sayid islam said...

haha.... #awesomeness

UJ said...

hahaha :D i laughed so loudly readin dis i don care bout my hdd crash anymre!! \m/ awssm stuff man!!

Maithili Desai said...

lol!! band baja di yaar!! awesome!!!

@miilee

adee said...

boss u r AMAZING!!!
u rock beyond the limits of awesomeness that is so pure natural and freakingly primordial that you'll give goosebumps to the readership

djd said...

how much time do you take usually to come up with a post?is it totally random or thought over a time?
and the satan god theme is really superb + hilarious

Akhil said...

Jyotidaa. Too good.
Blonde chicks at lab want a piece of you. *Wink * wink*

Arindam said...

Fantastic Man!! Superb...

睡衣 said...

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.............................................

Srushti Rao said...

Hahhahahah
"Jayalalitha, Mayawati and Mamata Banerjee performing a threesome."

What a nightmare and yuuuuccckkkk...

U are damn funny. Keep writing. DO CO MO. Awesome post.

Vivek said...

Hahahaha Brilliant buddy

Pliss to be sharing